January 10, 2009

A Chinese business woman sitting near my husband, our newly adopted six year old son and me at the Beijing airport commented, “Your son speaks Mandarin well!” The perception that only infants, let alone males, are available for adoption was pervasive, even in China.

As the biological parents of two teenage daughters, ten years ago we were shocked to learn that we were expecting a son. With our background of working with special needs and underprivileged children, we had been discussing adoption, never dreaming of my having another child at the age of 38. Fast forward 9 years, with one daughter getting married and the other away at college, our son started asking if he could have a brother. His loneliness and our realization that he didn’t need to ‘grow old’ with us, made us revisit the idea of adopting.

A brief internet search led us to Bethany Christian Services. A welcoming conversation with our social worker, Pat, made us comfortable as we became acquainted with the requirements of the adoption process. As we narrowed our search, our concern over being away from our son for a lengthy time, coupled with my husband’s age of 52, made adoption from China the logical choice. Not wanting a large age difference from our son, we requested a little boy 6-8.

With the completion of our home study in the fall of 2007, we had a referral in February 2008 for a bright-eyed little boy with an impish grin. Family consensus was a resounding “yes” for the child who had been abandoned with no information in December 2006. In August permission to travel was received for a September 11 departure.

As we sat in the adoption office in Zhengzhou, Henan Province, we anxiously waited as two other families tearfully united with their children, both older with special needs. A few days earlier, our guide in Beijing had been informed by the Social Welfare Institute that Fu Dongsheng “was ready to go”. A smiling little boy finally arrived, immediately sitting on my lap as he said, “Mama. Baba”. Without looking back, our new son attached himself to us excitedly embracing Cheese-its, Beef Jerky and a portable DVD player. A photo album of his new siblings, grandparents, home and pets was his prized possession, which he insisted on holding for his official adoption photo. He entered our home excitedly exploring his photo-memorized surroundings, immediately bonding with our children.

In the three months since David Dongsheng has been part of our family he has gone from using sign language, Mandarin and a few key English phrases to using sentences interspersed with Mandarin. After a round of doctors’ appointments and an evaluation from the international adoption program at the children’s hospital, in November David gradually entered Kindergarten at our son’s Catholic school.

We have been fortunate to have an interpreter, who emigrated from China 3 years ago, whom we affectionately call “Uncle Joe” to aid us in our journey. The man, who has become a friend, has helped us navigate changes in routine, visits to doctors, cultural differences, and simple misunderstandings via personal visits, the telephone and Skype. Periodic adjustment difficulties, in retrospect, have not been behavioral as much as his coming to terms with his new life. A few weeks ago, following our daughter’s minor surgery, David suddenly started to share who he was. His concern for her welfare triggered memories of his previous life and the death of “China Mommy”, details that had been quietly and tightly held inside during his time at the Social Welfare Institute. Several hours of conversation and tears produced his birth name, details of his family, and his happiness with his new family. A special shelf with his hand-picked “pretty flowers”, a collection of decorative candles, a red feathered bird, fruits, flowers and an angel, sits above his bed as a memorial to “China Mommy” who watches him from a “house in the sky”.

David’s journey is not over. A teary refusal to go to Chuck E Cheese a month ago was his greatest joy yesterday. We prepare him for changes in routine, gradually introduce new people, read favorite books about China and having two mommies, spend limited amounts of time shopping, and reassure him that we will see him in the morning to avoid his fears of abandonment. New life is in our home, sometimes trying but definitely rewarding. As he snuggles with his brother, David’s happy “I love you, Ma-ma. I love you Dad-dy. We’re a happ-y fam-i-ly” is the highlight of our day.

September 21, 2008

The last few days have been about bonding. The times that we had to go back for adoption registration and notary were stressful for David as he thought he was going back to the orphanage. Periodically he would have a tantrum and show that he can be very strong physically. Careful and patient time-ins allowed him to see that we would be in charge and he would still remain with us. David was amazed by the 5 star hotel that we stayed at, Yuda Palace Hotel. Looking at a street map we realized that he was found only a few streets away from the hotel. Despite his initial bonding process, he quickly adapted to getting the attention of wait staff by clapping his hands. Bathrooms with him were an adventure in themselves. His curiosity with Western toilets let to some fun moments with urinal cakes and trying to squat on the top of the toilet seat instead of sitting.We went to the Henan Provincial Museum to view beautiful artifacts. David insisted on posing in front of mny items, expalining that when he was younger he lived in the palaces. Despite his doubtful 'royal lineage' he and his friend Min showed genuine interset in the tour and asked questions. The people that we have met here have been gracious, intelligent and helpful which has eased our transition. On the 19th we flew to Guangzhou. David did quite well on the plane except for his dislike of seatbelts. He told us he's flown 2 times before-not true! We are staying at the White Swan which is a very Americanized province because of all the adoption consulate work done here. David asked us to purchase sunglasses to be like Gary, so he could 'see to read' the menu. He hangs them on the front of his shirt as well. David has been very affectionate with us both, smothering us with kisses. Since he had a friend at the orphange who was deaf, that had been adopted out, David is pretty fluent in sign, easing our communication. Quite the jokester, he tells shopkeepers that he is deaf and can't speak and can only have ice cream.He continues to amaze us with his fine motor skills, his intelligence and cleverness.He told the guide that he doesn't understand English, but his brother will teach him.

September 16

Introducing David Dongsheng, international comedian and parrot soon making his first US appearance! Not one to waste time, he immediately sat on my lap said "Mama" and never looked back. He loves his BaBa (Dad)too! He grabs our hands and repeats everything anyone says, laughing more as he warms up to us. Right now we are being entertained by a duet by David and the other little girl as they watch a local children's show.

September 16

We flew into Zhengzhou this morning leaving at 5 in the morning. This has been the capital of China 4 times in its history of 8 capitals. It is home to 1 billion people in the province and 7 million in this city. The people here are of Han decent and have a different look than those in Beijing.The area is indutrial and heavy with pollution. It houses newer buildings and the traditional ones some similar to painted Dutch ones.In the airport we realized as we looked around at the shops etc. that David was abandoned, not at a bank construction site but outside a bank called "Construction Bank of China". Miranda our guide met with us and assured us that David is 'ready to go" . We pick him up at 3PM. The other family has a 7 yr old girl from a city 3 hours away with a bilateral foot amputation due to burns. Both will be brought to the adoption office. We went to KFC :) for food and a local store to buy water, and candies for the orphanage. Both families are nervous!!!Tomorrow we will do paperwork and notary. I am relieved to pay the orphanage fee of 24000 Yuan/RMB and not have to safeguard the amount any more!

September 15, 2008

Today we went to Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. The square is 60 football fields in area decorated with huge Disney-like floral displays for the Para Olympics. Mao's tomb is here as are government offices. A guard of school children stood at attention with a flag at the top of the steps of one monument to the working people. Across the street is the Forbidden City home to many dynasties of emperors. It has 9 outside gates an important symbol of wealth and position decorated with dragons, turtles, cranes depicting the 9 children of the emporer. The doorways have foot high sills which keep out rain and ghosts that cannot jump over. Higher sills connote importance as well. The doors have 81 knobs of gold again important symbolism. Three hours later we toured 2/3 of a mile through 7 gateways to get from the south to the north wall. The buildings have beautiful terra cotta rooves in a gold reserved for royalty. In ancient times wearing this royal yellow was punishable by death. Beyond the gates was the royal garden. A huge stone wall was built there for the royals to climb to play instruments or see the moon. It was held together by sticky rice.From there we visited a Hutong the Mongolian name for a traditional neighborhood homes which each have a well that makes a 'hutong' sound when a pebble is dropped in. We toured by rickshaw along streets from 8' to 42"wide. Everywhere persistent hawkers tried to sell 'Mao" watches, Olympic gear and chopsticks as you crossed the street, walked in the ally or by bicycle along side the rickshaw. Reaching the bus meant escape. The ancient homes have pillars signifying your rank, with 4 being the highest. The high door sills are also here.Each hutong consists of 2-3 families with a shared courtyard. It is protected by a secret knock upon the owners return. Each side is no bigger than a small trailer with a common area, kitchen and sleeping quarters. Toilets are optional!Outside beautiful girls are dressed along the roadside as brides for photos, a stark contrast to the simple homes, laundry hanging in the streets,dead poultry waiting to be cooked and rusted bicycles.Ironically, in this busy city there is no litter. Workers with brooms that look like our halloween decorations sweep everywhere. The real danger is the traffic jam of rickshaws, bikes, cars and taxis all converging in every direction on the narrow back streets.

September 14, 2007

Last evening we went to the acrobatic show to view spectacular balancing, contortionism, and balancing in mid air on 2 open spinning wheels. Today we went to the Cloisinne factory to view the 8 hour process for even the tiniest pieces. We then travelled an hour into the mountains to view one of the oldest sections of the Great Wall. Since it is the Autumn Festival highlighting the full moon, families are on holiday and sightseeing in large groups. It is impossible to describe the massive scale that the Wall comprises. Some took the gondolas up to the top while others of us walked as far as we could. You literally walk bent forward or backward as the incline steepens. The view is spectacular and the mountain air clear and cool. Families actually stop midway, spead out a cloth and picnic in the middle of the crowds. Several of us with light colored hair have become photo-ops for the locals! We got to see firsthand toddlers, diaperless with split pants, urinating in the lot, as well as the "squatty- potties" in the bathrooms. Fortunately there was usually one western style toilet on the end.On the way back we had a traditional family style meal at the local jade factory complete with a tour. Since our driver still had a placard for the OLympics we were also able to tour the Olympic village, seeing the Water Cube, the Birds Nest and 3 large skyscrapers with giant screen tvs on the outside that control all. Current olympic events were being televised as we drove by.