Tuesday, January 13, 2009
January 10, 2009
A Chinese business woman sitting near my husband, our newly adopted six year old son and me at the Beijing airport commented, “Your son speaks Mandarin well!” The perception that only infants, let alone males, are available for adoption was pervasive, even in China.
As the biological parents of two teenage daughters, ten years ago we were shocked to learn that we were expecting a son. With our background of working with special needs and underprivileged children, we had been discussing adoption, never dreaming of my having another child at the age of 38. Fast forward 9 years, with one daughter getting married and the other away at college, our son started asking if he could have a brother. His loneliness and our realization that he didn’t need to ‘grow old’ with us, made us revisit the idea of adopting.
A brief internet search led us to Bethany Christian Services. A welcoming conversation with our social worker, Pat, made us comfortable as we became acquainted with the requirements of the adoption process. As we narrowed our search, our concern over being away from our son for a lengthy time, coupled with my husband’s age of 52, made adoption from China the logical choice. Not wanting a large age difference from our son, we requested a little boy 6-8.
With the completion of our home study in the fall of 2007, we had a referral in February 2008 for a bright-eyed little boy with an impish grin. Family consensus was a resounding “yes” for the child who had been abandoned with no information in December 2006. In August permission to travel was received for a September 11 departure.
As we sat in the adoption office in Zhengzhou, Henan Province, we anxiously waited as two other families tearfully united with their children, both older with special needs. A few days earlier, our guide in Beijing had been informed by the Social Welfare Institute that Fu Dongsheng “was ready to go”. A smiling little boy finally arrived, immediately sitting on my lap as he said, “Mama. Baba”. Without looking back, our new son attached himself to us excitedly embracing Cheese-its, Beef Jerky and a portable DVD player. A photo album of his new siblings, grandparents, home and pets was his prized possession, which he insisted on holding for his official adoption photo. He entered our home excitedly exploring his photo-memorized surroundings, immediately bonding with our children.
In the three months since David Dongsheng has been part of our family he has gone from using sign language, Mandarin and a few key English phrases to using sentences interspersed with Mandarin. After a round of doctors’ appointments and an evaluation from the international adoption program at the children’s hospital, in November David gradually entered Kindergarten at our son’s Catholic school.
We have been fortunate to have an interpreter, who emigrated from China 3 years ago, whom we affectionately call “Uncle Joe” to aid us in our journey. The man, who has become a friend, has helped us navigate changes in routine, visits to doctors, cultural differences, and simple misunderstandings via personal visits, the telephone and Skype. Periodic adjustment difficulties, in retrospect, have not been behavioral as much as his coming to terms with his new life. A few weeks ago, following our daughter’s minor surgery, David suddenly started to share who he was. His concern for her welfare triggered memories of his previous life and the death of “China Mommy”, details that had been quietly and tightly held inside during his time at the Social Welfare Institute. Several hours of conversation and tears produced his birth name, details of his family, and his happiness with his new family. A special shelf with his hand-picked “pretty flowers”, a collection of decorative candles, a red feathered bird, fruits, flowers and an angel, sits above his bed as a memorial to “China Mommy” who watches him from a “house in the sky”.
David’s journey is not over. A teary refusal to go to Chuck E Cheese a month ago was his greatest joy yesterday. We prepare him for changes in routine, gradually introduce new people, read favorite books about China and having two mommies, spend limited amounts of time shopping, and reassure him that we will see him in the morning to avoid his fears of abandonment. New life is in our home, sometimes trying but definitely rewarding. As he snuggles with his brother, David’s happy “I love you, Ma-ma. I love you Dad-dy. We’re a happ-y fam-i-ly” is the highlight of our day.
As the biological parents of two teenage daughters, ten years ago we were shocked to learn that we were expecting a son. With our background of working with special needs and underprivileged children, we had been discussing adoption, never dreaming of my having another child at the age of 38. Fast forward 9 years, with one daughter getting married and the other away at college, our son started asking if he could have a brother. His loneliness and our realization that he didn’t need to ‘grow old’ with us, made us revisit the idea of adopting.
A brief internet search led us to Bethany Christian Services. A welcoming conversation with our social worker, Pat, made us comfortable as we became acquainted with the requirements of the adoption process. As we narrowed our search, our concern over being away from our son for a lengthy time, coupled with my husband’s age of 52, made adoption from China the logical choice. Not wanting a large age difference from our son, we requested a little boy 6-8.
With the completion of our home study in the fall of 2007, we had a referral in February 2008 for a bright-eyed little boy with an impish grin. Family consensus was a resounding “yes” for the child who had been abandoned with no information in December 2006. In August permission to travel was received for a September 11 departure.
As we sat in the adoption office in Zhengzhou, Henan Province, we anxiously waited as two other families tearfully united with their children, both older with special needs. A few days earlier, our guide in Beijing had been informed by the Social Welfare Institute that Fu Dongsheng “was ready to go”. A smiling little boy finally arrived, immediately sitting on my lap as he said, “Mama. Baba”. Without looking back, our new son attached himself to us excitedly embracing Cheese-its, Beef Jerky and a portable DVD player. A photo album of his new siblings, grandparents, home and pets was his prized possession, which he insisted on holding for his official adoption photo. He entered our home excitedly exploring his photo-memorized surroundings, immediately bonding with our children.
In the three months since David Dongsheng has been part of our family he has gone from using sign language, Mandarin and a few key English phrases to using sentences interspersed with Mandarin. After a round of doctors’ appointments and an evaluation from the international adoption program at the children’s hospital, in November David gradually entered Kindergarten at our son’s Catholic school.
We have been fortunate to have an interpreter, who emigrated from China 3 years ago, whom we affectionately call “Uncle Joe” to aid us in our journey. The man, who has become a friend, has helped us navigate changes in routine, visits to doctors, cultural differences, and simple misunderstandings via personal visits, the telephone and Skype. Periodic adjustment difficulties, in retrospect, have not been behavioral as much as his coming to terms with his new life. A few weeks ago, following our daughter’s minor surgery, David suddenly started to share who he was. His concern for her welfare triggered memories of his previous life and the death of “China Mommy”, details that had been quietly and tightly held inside during his time at the Social Welfare Institute. Several hours of conversation and tears produced his birth name, details of his family, and his happiness with his new family. A special shelf with his hand-picked “pretty flowers”, a collection of decorative candles, a red feathered bird, fruits, flowers and an angel, sits above his bed as a memorial to “China Mommy” who watches him from a “house in the sky”.
David’s journey is not over. A teary refusal to go to Chuck E Cheese a month ago was his greatest joy yesterday. We prepare him for changes in routine, gradually introduce new people, read favorite books about China and having two mommies, spend limited amounts of time shopping, and reassure him that we will see him in the morning to avoid his fears of abandonment. New life is in our home, sometimes trying but definitely rewarding. As he snuggles with his brother, David’s happy “I love you, Ma-ma. I love you Dad-dy. We’re a happ-y fam-i-ly” is the highlight of our day.
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